Date: 8/27/2008 2:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 42945
Yes it's a sad situation but give them both time to think things over and then go and see dad again. And if hubby won't go, you still go hun, as you said you only have one mother and father and the time will come when you will not have them anymore, so keep in contact with them and who knows, maybe dad will see where he went wrong and apologise to your hubby. Just my opinion hun, life is too short to carry grudges in families...good luck *hugs*  |
Date: 8/27/2008 3:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 64365
Just give it some time. Maybe your father will figure out what's really going on inside of him, and mellow out. You are right, your husband is the most important. But you are also right you only have one mother and father. Children should not even enter into this at all, since you don't have any right now. Time has a way of lessening the intensity, so don't let it eat at you. Stand by your man, sweetie...and if he insists that you break ties with them gently remind him they are your parents. HUGS  |
Date: 8/27/2008 5:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 35720
Just let them both cool off. I've had similar experiences with my dad and my boyfriend. I think it's just a protective thing.. dads want nothing but the best for their little girls and maybe hubby doesn't meet his standards. Or maybe he feels that your husband is "stealing" you from him. Either way, I think the situation will diffuse itself with time.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 5:43:00 AM
From Authorid: 56359
To be completely honest with you, your husband should have respected your father no matter what, out of regard for you. Your dad may have been trying to get a reaction from him, and thus, at first, was in the wrong. However, the love your husband has for you should be valued more greatly then his personal pride, and, although I don’t know anything about the past history, ultimately I think your husband was wrong. Although, like I said I don’t know any back story to this so take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m only saying that I would never disrespect my loves parents… ever; especially in their home. Maybe you should try pointing out to them that they were both wrong in their own way. As for future children, I think that the gift of life calms souls and brings happiness in most all cases, so I think that by that time you won’t have to worry. I’m sorry to hear that you were put in the middle of this terrible situation. Everything I said to you comes from experience. I certainly hope it all works out for the best.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 6:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 47930
I would give them both alot of time to think, but then it may still came to that hubby doesnt want you having anything to do with them. but honstly hubby should never make you choose. i have been where your hubby and father are with my hubby and my parents and my husband never ever made me choose and never would. those are your parents and you both have ever right to be upset but you never let people or love ones make you decided between one another. you do not know what tomorrow may bring and yes your parents may very well not be here and that is something that you will live to regret if you choose to follow what hubby says. i understand he is your husband but he has to understand this is your family also. he needs to try and be the bigger person for you. goodluck hun and if you need anything please let me know. i am here. hugs  |
Date: 8/27/2008 7:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 10657
Don't force the issue. Let your husband cool down a bit. Do you live far from your parents? If, not it might hurt your parents that you only see them every once in a while. Your dad might feel as if his little girl has been taken away from him. Anger breeds Anger. Be civil and if they have always been rude to him with enough time given perhaps, you can find out why they have been that way. I would say just give everyone a cooling off. Why can't you talk to your mom if, she wasn't there?  |
Date: 8/27/2008 8:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 53284
You need to visit your dad by yourself. You need to set him straight. He has to apologize to your husband or he won't see either of you again. Your dad treated your husband in a awful manor but he also treated you with contempt by talking to your husband that way. You should also talk to your mom and explain that until your father apologizes and starts behaving himself that you and your husband will not be coming over and that they are not welcome in your house. You need to set limits right now otherwise this situation will continue forever. Your father is clearly wrong. You also need to tell your husband what you're going to do and he needs to be willing to accept your fathers apology (like a man) and then move on from there.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 9:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 24673
You already got a lot of good advice and they already said what I would have told you. Good luck to you, it's always so difficult being in the middle.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 9:54:00 AM
From Authorid: 4144
you're not going to like this but here goes...your husband shouldn't have stood up in your father's house and said what he did. your father shouldn't have tried starting crap with your husband but for some reason he doesn't like him. do you know why? your husband should show you the same respect you show him. you tried to leave but he continued to mouth off. that would have been fine if your father had been standing in your house. also, i would be seriously thinking about having kids with a man that says HIS kids will never be around somebody. won't they be your kids too? sounds like you are never going to get these two men to like each other. you may be able to get them to tolerate each other. your husband's faith is none of your father's business. he's 43 years old so he should be mature enough to figure that out. i agree that your husband should be #1 in your life. but you should be #1 in your husbands life too. that means you both love AND respect each other. don't give up visiting your parents for your husband. you can go alone. you can take any kids you have alone. i've never been a big fan of 'grandparents rights' because i have known more than one to abuse that right. but if there is no danger to your kids if they are around your father and you want them to be then you should see to it that they are. until a time comes that your dad and husband can at least be civil to each other i suggest you visit alone. and when you visit if your dad wants to start ragging on your husband tell him to stop or you will leave. good luck. there's not much worse than two hardheaded men.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 10:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 64566
Oh My Gosh What A Storm. It kills me when a situation like this comes up. I will keep my families matters to myself. Yes , I have seen the same situation sort of. Here's my advice. You and your husband together when you and him are in a good humor need to make an agreement with each other. If he has any problems with anybody in your family he should ask you to handle it. If anybody in his family gives you any problems you should ask him to handle it. At the same time when you 2 speak of each others problem in the in-law situation do it in a friendly to serious (calm) tone. Right now what I would suggest is for him to write a letter of apology. Also you do the same thing and add more by saying how much more you love your husband since you have a new love and you want to continue to love him as you always have when you were growing up. I suggest you and your husband not ask your daddy for any apology. I would just wait it out. If he never apologizes then he is in the wrong. Also don't take up for your daddy or your husband if your daddy starts in again. He will eventually get bored not getting any responses out of both of you. That was your daddy's pleasure in my opinion to do what he did even though he does dislike him. If your husband just got up and said have a nice day nice seeing you and both of you left he might regret it later on because he didn't get to see his daughter much. I hope I gave you some ideas. Good Luck.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 10:30:00 AM
From Authorid: 64566
CORRECTION: I meant to say (your daddy)
""how much more you love your husband since you have a new love and you want to continue to love him (your daddy) as you always have when you were growing up."" |
Date: 8/27/2008 12:49:00 PM
From Authorid: 30747
I guess you need to get to the bottom of Dads dicontention and hubby is going to have to deal with you talking to him about it all. Hardly any father thinks any guy is good enough for his little girl and it usually takes a lot of time and patience to get past this. You're the key in this situation darlin'. They both love you and eventually they will see how this tares you apart and grow up to be big boys about it all some day and then you'll all laugh about it over Thanksgiving dinner. Besides, nobody has to like anybody to be civil and respectful. Dad was out of line and maybe he came to his senses when Mom got home and gave him the peverbial slap upside the head. lol 43? Man, did I feel old when I read that part. :)  |
Date: 8/27/2008 9:47:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 42461
Thanks everyone for the input. I respect everyones advice but still not sure which direction to turn.  |
Date: 8/27/2008 10:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 16671
We only DO get one mom and dad in this life, and because I don't know all that is going on I can't say, but there has to be more to the story for dad to hate son in law so bad?  |
