Another couple hours had now passed. Jackson watched as the clock changed from 11:59 to 12. “God it’s late,” he said. He hadn’t gotten anywhere with Cordelia since he had come over. She was obviously not talking about her past, but was equally as obviously bothered by it. Jackson had loved her once…still did, but it was in a different way now, as he was engaged to someone else—it had to be in a different way now. Elle was beautiful, but Cordelia was still Cordelia. Beautiful as she had always been.
Cordelia laughed as she threw back the rest of her 4th martini, “is she going to be mad now?”
“Who?” he asked snapping back to the present, “oh…Elle. I hope not. She is probably sleeping by now.”
“Now that, my dear, is a grand idea!” she exclaimed batting her icy blue eyes at him. She stood up to return her martini glass to the kitchen, but stumbled as she stood up, so she sat back down and giggled, “I am a bit more of a lightweight than I used to be!” she laid her head down on the arm of the couch momentarily, “Is it hot in here?” She sat back up and unbuttoned her jacket she had been wearing, revealing a silky cream colored camisole underneath. Jackson couldn’t help but stare. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, trying to divert his eyes elsewhere so as not to think about her curvy body.
She stood up again to walk to the kitchen, but weaved the whole way there and back before tripping over her shoes and landing in his lap. “Okay, champ,” Jackson began, “let’s get you to bed before you hurt yourself.”
She laughed, “Hurt myself? You’re the one running people over with your car!” “Sorry!” he exclaimed as he burst into laughter. He couldn’t help but laugh at her sense of humor. He helped her to stand up and wrapped an arm around her waist to lead her down the hall to her bedroom.
He pushed open the door to the room and flicked on the light, “Whoa, was there a tornado in here? I didn’t hear that one on the news this morning!” In her room clothing was strewn about, hanging out of drawers and off her desk chair. There were two large piles of clothes in the floor and shoes scattered randomly about.
“Oh, like you’re so perfect!” she said playfully slapping his chest.
He eased her down to sit on her bed, “okay, you going to be alright now?”
“No…you have to tuck me in!” she said excited.
“Okay, get under the covers then,” he prompted her.
Pushing him toward the door so she could change she stated, “no, no, no. I have to change first goober, I’m still wearing my jacket!”
“Barely,” he muttered, once again checking her out. “Okay, I’ll wait in the hall, call me when you are ready.” He said shutting the door behind him. He paced anxiously in the hall, he knew Elle would be furious when he got home, especially since he was with another female all night and he hadn’t actually called to let her know, but Cordelia had clearly needed someone tonight and now she was drunk to boot, he couldn’t just abandon her.
“Kay!” Cordelia shouted from inside the room. Jackson pushed open the door to find her already completely buried under the covers. The only thing showing was her neck and up.
“It’s going to be pretty hot under all those covers,” he suggested.
“Oh well.” Cordelia said. “Can I be honest with you?” she asked.
“Please,” Jackson begged of her.
“I’m really just stalling. I know it’s late, but do you think you could just sit with me while I fall asleep?” she asked flashing the closest thing to a charming smile that she could muster in a drunken state.
Jackson’s worried face relaxed a little, and a smile came through as he forgot about Elle and her fury.
Observing his smile she questioned, “you remember?”
“Yeah,” he laughed a little, “you used to do this all the time when you were drunk. I would be ready to pass out and you would just beg and plead that I stay with you until you fell asleep.”
“Naturally, you always passed out on my bed, too!” she laughed, “but you’re sober tonight, you’ll be fine.”
“Why did you always do that?” he questioned.
In her drunken haze, she admitted the truth to him, “I always had a huge crush on you and wanted to make sure you weren’t going home with other girls.” She giggled as she rolled into a ball with a smile on her face.
Jackson couldn’t help but laugh at her antics. “Honestly,” he started, “I always loved you, and that’s why I never left.”
Cordelia’s smile faded, “love,” she said quietly. Jackson’s smile faded as well, not realizing what he had said. “It took over 2 years before we realized we cared so much for each other.” She said softly, “it’s silly, really. If we had only known…” her voice faded out.
Jackson knew what she had meant. It wasn’t until a month before she disappeared that they had made some connection with each other on a higher level. Regretfully it was a drunken night. Instead of making out with some stranger in the corner like they both regularly did when they went partying together, they had stayed by each others side that night and stumbled home together in a drunken stupor, pawing at each other the whole way. Jackson remembered the night he shared with her all too clearly. Was it that night that changed the course of their relationship? Yes, definitely. But was that what caused her to run? That would remain a question until he could get her to open up and trust him again.
As for a chance at the relationship they once had, he knew they could never have it now. He loved Elle, she was so beautiful and graceful and cared for him deeply as well. He felt guilty in loving her because he—throughout the four years—never stopped having dreams about Cordelia. He would lay down at night beside Elle; fall asleep holding her body close, and would still wake up in the middle of the night from a dream about Cordelia.
Cordelia moaned quietly as she rolled onto her back, stirring Jackson out of his thoughts. She was pawing at the covers in her sleep, obviously trying to get out from under them. Jackson pulled them down enough for her to get her arms out from under the heavy covers so she would be more comfortable. He, again, admired her in her camisole, though now there wasn’t a jacket to cover her shoulders and arms. She was soundly sleeping off her alcohol now so he stood up to go home.
When he stood up, the weight on the bed shifted and Cordelia rolled back onto her side, flopping her left arm out where it was hanging off the bed at her elbow. Jackson reached for her arm to put it back on the bed so it wouldn’t be numb in the morning, but what he saw made him freeze. Something about her arm caught his eye and made his heart stop momentarily.
There was a thick scar running up her wrist. He immediately grabbed for her right arm and lifted it up to look at the inside of that arm as well. There was a roughly equal scar running up that wrist as well.
He felt a lump well in his throat, ‘suicide?’ he thought. ‘Why?’ What had happened to Cordelia that made her resort to slicing her beautiful arms like this? He was tempted to wake her up and ask, but he knew she needed sleep. ‘So that’s why you were hiding under all those covers,’ he realized. He took in a deep breath as he laid her arm back down on the bed. He stood there debating what he should do. He finally shook his head and left the apartment to return to his Elle.
To be continued.
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