One night at 3 am I awoke from a deep sleep in a panic. Something was wrong, I could 'feel'. My husband was not in bed, he had gone out with some friends earlier that night. I was convinced that something had happened to him. I got out of bed and started calling some of his friends that he was going out with. I made calls until 5 am when he walked in. Relieved, I went back to bed, but was still a little unsettled. I lay ther trying to go back to sleep, but a mockingbird was outside my window getting ready for dawn and was quite obnoxious about greeting morning. At 7:30 the phone rang, it was my Father. He told me that my grandmother had passed away during the night. I was very close to her, she was a very special person in my life. A year before she passed away she was diagnosed with cancer and became very ill from the kemotherapy. I moved in for a few months to help take care of her and the house. The third time she was faced with another series of treatments, she refused. She didn't want to be sick anymore and the treatments always ended with her going to the hospital due to the awful reactions her body had to the kemo. She was getting weaker and weaker as the months passed, and eventually she was restricted to her bedroom. One of her favorite pasttimes was birdwatching. She had numerous books about birds and she would sit in her bedroom and watch them from her window. Her favorite bird was the mockingbird, because it had such beautiful songs and could imitate just about any bird. Getting back to my experience, after getting over the initial flood of tears from my father's news, I realized now why I awoke from my sleep that night. My grandmother had passed away a little before 3 am. After the funeral, a wake was held at my grandparent's house for just our family. My father and I were out on the porch swing, holding each other and crying. I told him about the mockingbird that I heard after I woke up. He said he had heard one outside of his window that morning too. I asked him if he thought it was her way of saying goodbye to us. We agreed it must have been. How it changed my life:The whole experience changed my life, my grandmother was at such peace before she died. She told me God was calling her back home and she was going to be the last one to argue with him. I am not afraid of death, she faced her illness with such strength and peace, it was inspiring. I only regret that she died before she and my children could meet. I dream of her every now and then and in my dreams she is watching my children and making sure they are safe. I feel that it is her way of telling me that she has seen them and she is watching over us.
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